I’ve had many shameful habits in my life but this is one of the worst. I feel quite soiled. I bought the first Twilight movie from Fopp for about tuppence, just to see how bad it was, and I got hooked. Now I can’t stop going back for more. (In my defence, I stopped reading after the first book). I find the films very relaxing. Kristen Stewart’s performance as Bella is by far the worst piece of screen acting I’ve ever seen, and I love to scream at the TV every time she frowns and lets her mouth hang open. When she delivers lines in her creaky voice I experience a kind of ecstasy of mortification. At least the first film vaguely hangs together in narrative terms – there are none of the travelogues or ludicrous flashbacks that make the sequels so silly – and I do enjoy the whole ‘vampires in high school’ thing. Obviously Taylor Lautner doesn’t really get his tits out till the second movie, and has horrible long hair in this one, but I’m willing to overlook that. I quite like the hokey divorce theme, as poor ickle Bella struggles to make friends with her father. The treatment of sex in both the films and the books is one of the great unintentional comic achievements of all time. So while I love Twilight mainly for its flaws, I do still like the horror elements, weak and watered down as they are, and anything that gives mileage to the vampire genre is okay in my book.